Blue October (Rock) Follow

1 of 4...

My name is Ian Mathias Bavitz

I was born in 1-9-7-6, at Biosfet hospital, located in Long Island, NY

I am 6 foot, four I weigh 2-0-0 pounds

I have brown hair and green eyes

I enjoy writing songs, painting, movies and diner food

I have two brothers, Chris and Graham

and two parents, Paul and Jameija

In august of 2-0-0-1 I went crazy..

This was originally not for public consumption

This was made for four people... four people that literally saved my life

They know who they are..

And ahhh I mean I could live to be a thousand years old and never re-pay them

I don't think this song would pay them

But hopefully by putting it out, push the bank a little further..

This ain't a burner for the whips (no it isn't)

This ain't even Aesop Rock fly earthworm demeanor (no it isn't)

My name is Ian Mathias Bavitz and I was born in Long Island, New York

Seventy Six, before Graham and after Chris... OK

In August of 2001 my seemingly splinter-proof brain bone, scaffolding imploded

I kept it on the hush, but nearly tumbling

to the cold hard concrete on near bodega trips

for cigarettes and soda, shook me to casper

Dizzy with a nausea chaser, motor sensory eraser

Gorophobe tunnel vision, guilt, self loathing arrangements

Rose rapidly out a bog I'd never fished in

that abates three separate foreign meds

While I use the hook line and sinker simple fishing

Simple primitive self taught, easing of soul, mind and body

but the symptoms rejected my cave-man modus operandi

So now it's one fish belly up, through medicated mileage

Shrinks that get 250 an hour for awkward silence

And, I'd be lying if I said all of this

made even the slightest fragment of sense to me

That's real... Simply put

I don't know what happened, or what's still happening

I literally feel like I'm teetering on the blunt edge of my sanity

JAIME, I killed the robots and I'm sorry

Broke down in front of you, embarrassed

but you lent a heart and hand that only you could

you're one of my best friends and yes I'd take that bullet for you

That's my word, which is about all I have left

TONY, I know you know I'm crazy, 'cause you told me

but that did never bother you, I hold you as my brother 'til death

And I got your back if ever the drunk goblin step

for makin' a cat laugh, when I was walking with the dead

KATHERINE, mother figure, older sister, concerned be a limits

Letting me know I wasn't the only one with this

Continuous offers for vacation, Chicago visits

Talked me through repair of a head full of broken pistons

RIYAH, for the late night movie rentals and the company I needed

An' you knew it, but I just wouldn't admit it

You listened to me blab about my issues for hours

Offer incredible advice, gave me a hug when I was finished

Am I a jack of all trades? Nope... I like to write songs tho'

Are they good? I dunno..

But I could tell you that I only write shit down when I believe it

So take this how you want, but know I mean it

I want you all to know that I'm scared

Out my fuckin' crooked soul and never faced a monster like the last few months

ever in my whole life... I wish I could explain this better (I can't)

But the pieces won't formulate it to anything even close to cohesive

So I guess this is my feeble way to thank you

Four soldiers that extended something sacred off the purity of kindness

I owe you all my life and please don't argue with that statement

'Cause without y'all I may not have a life to offer, take it

Thank you

I wish I could explain this better. (Thank you)

I'm sorry for burdening your pleasures. (Thank you)

I love you all with all that's left of me. (Thank you)

For helping try to kill what made a mess of me. (Thank you)

Somehow, someway. (Thank you)

I'ma get you back someday. (Thank you)

Just gotta figure this all out... So..

I guess it is kind of funny when you look at it from a step back

How one man can literally buckle under the same pressures

Other men operate normally under

I have soaked this out from all angles, walking through time

I have been over everything in my head, still I can't think anymore

But I guess some times, when you can't breathe, there are people there

to breathe for you

I am lucky enough to have those people around me

Thank you for helping me to not die

Thank you for helping me to not die

Pocket full of pennies, and a soul gone tilt

Cockpit full of memories and a dream full of guilt