Presidents of the United States of America Follow

you never had rabies, you never gained weight
you never drank poison, you watched what you ate
you never came home with a terrible scar
you never so much as put a scratch on my car
you never got measles, you never got gout
you never got dizzy and you never fell out
you never suggested we all play charades
you never picked up any live hand grenades

you twisted your ankle
I carried you
you got a divorce
so I married you
you fell off a cliff
so I buried you
I wish there were more bad times to see you through
I wish there were more bad times
wish there were more bad times
wish there were more bad times
wish there were more bad times
wish there were more bad times
I wish there was more

you never lost contact, you never leaked oil
you never drank cleanser and you never ate foil
you never got hurt by sticks and stones
you never choked on any big chicken bones
you never got mauled by a mad baboon
you never lost all the air in your balloon
you never got poked in the eye with a spork
you never got sick from all that leftover pork

you twisted your ankle
I carried you
you got a divorce
so I married you
fell off a cliff
so I buried you

I wish there were more bad times to see you through
I wish there were more bad times

so many things did go wrong
but the list is not long enough
not enough bad things to fill up a song

wish there were more bad times
wish there were more bad times
wish there were more bad times
wish there were more bad times

I'd rather gather your bones than mop up this mess
scrub us all spotless and wreck our success
I was holding your hand when it fell on the floor
when you left you broke the knob on the door
I wish there was more