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And now the Grand Ole Opry theater proudly presents a special holiday edition of the Adventures of the Kung Pao Buckaroos

Well, its a Kung Pao Buckaroo Holiday
Whatever you do watch what you say
If youre easily offended well thats okay
Its a completely non-offensive and politically correct holiday

We catch up with our three cowboys one cold December night huddled around a camp fire.

How bout we sing some holiday songs?
Yeah, hey George, you wanna lead us off?
Yeah, I got one.

Oh Chri-biip-mas tree oh Chri-biip-mas tree how lovely are thy branches...

Why am I getting bleeped again?
Havent you heard guys? You cant say Chri-biip-mas you gotta say Holiday
I cant say Chri-biip-mas?
No, you might offend somebody.
Who is offended by Chri-biip-mas?
You know you might offend the biiiips and the biiiips and the atheists.
What?
Time to politically correct.

Ill lead this off.

On the first day of Chri-biip-mas my true love said to me

Jimmy, are you listening?
What?
You cant say Chri-biip-mas.
Why not?
If you can say he-biiiip on the last record,
Why cant I say Chri-biip-mas?
I didnt make the rules.
Hey listen guys, its not that difficult, all you gotta do is change Chri-biip-mas to Holiday.
You know, instead of saying white Chri-biip-mas, you say Im dreaming of a whi-biiip Holiday.
Why did I get bleeped?
Youve got to say Caucasian.
So I have to sing, Im dreaming of a Caucasian holiday?
Sure, that wont offend anyone.

Well, its a Kung Pao Buckaroo Holiday,
Whatever you do watch what you say
If youre easily offended well thats okay

Why do these people have to feel that way? How come they get offended so easily?

Its a completely non-offensive and politically correct holiday

Im just trying to come up with a song here.
Lets sing one together, everybody ready? George?
Ready.
Bill you ready?
Im ready.
Jimmy? Jimmy? Jimmy?
Okay!

We three kings of or-biiiiiiiiip are bearing gifts weve traveled real far.

Sorry boys, you have to say Asia now.
What?
Oh, come on just try.
I've got to get hyped up for this.

We three kings of Asia are.

That sounds like horse cr-biiiip
Oh lord, okay. How bout Little Drummer boy?
Nope, that offends short people.
And you cant say drummer cause that'll offend real musicians.

How bout little hahaha- town of Bethlehem.
Whats with all the short jokes?

Hey how bout we do Silent Night?
No, it offends people hard of hearin' and afraid of the dark.
What did he say about a shark?
SHARK?

This happens every year.

Well, its a Kung Pao Buckaroo Holiday,
Whatever you do watch what you say,
If youre easily offended well thats okay,
Its a completely non-offensive and politically correct holiday.

Ho! ho! ho!
No.
I cant say ho?
No, you might offend some... women.
So basically, we cant sing anything?

I think thats a bunch of bull biiiip.
Softer, George, its more effective.
I think thats a bunch of bull biiiip.
Wait just a dar-biip minute...
No, no, no..
You know what? I dont care who we offend, Im gonna sing Chri-biip-mas carols if I wanna sing Chri-biip-mas carols.
Louder, Bill, its more effective.
I dont care who we offend, Im gonna sing Chri-biip-mas carols if I wanna sing Chri-biip-mas carols.
Me too.

We wish you a merry Chri-biip-mas, we wish you a merry Chri-biip-mas, we wish you a merry Chri-biip-mas, and a happy ne-biip year.

We cant say new; itll offend the old folks.
And you better not offend them.

Us