Heywood Banks Follow

Oh my dearest Mr. Santa Claus

I am writing you because

There seems to be a problem with your staff

You may or may not be aware,

Or even worse you do not care --

At any rate, there is no cause to laugh

I gave it to my mother,

A specific list of toys to bring around

But when I woke up Christmas morn

It was an obvious clerical error that I found

If you look on page number twenty-two

Under the heading of “Rocket Packs”

There's no way a personal jet-propulsion device

Could ever be confused with --

A BUNNY PUPPET??!!

Hello again, dear old Saint Nick

I really hate to be a stickler

But it's clear from here that things must change

With software advances and the Internet

You really can't delay in getting

Some elves that are more technically trained

I discussed this with my mother

Along with a list of toys to bring around

But when I woke up Christmas morn

It was a hideous clerical error that I found

If you look on page number twenty-nine

Under the heading of “Scuba Gear”

There's no way a personal deep-water submarine

Could ever be confused with --

UNCLE WIGGLY??!!

Hi again, Saint Nicholas

I'm sorry that it's come to this

But someone had to bring you up to speed

Perhaps your management skills are rusty

But you really have to trust me

You are just not meeting your customers' needs

I was told by my mother

To let you know about this oversight

But I've been playing Uncle Wiggly with my bunny puppet

And I just haven't had the time to write.