Remembering Never Follow

The filmstrip slows the pace of every mistake.
I wish I could wash these memories off my skin.
I was still never meant to win.
I was still never meant to win.
Unsatisfied with everything.
Once you get a taste It's not enough to sustain.
I need something that I've never had before.
I don't want anymore.
No serenity.
Loyalty to the dead and dying but I lie to myself.
Midnight phone calls and unslept street lights become habitual.
Out of step with myself and out of love with the world.
Nothing is secure and nothing is safe today.
Chasing down my disgrace, nauseated at my blood and face.
Weeping family tree blooms.
Predetermined in the womb.
There was no love here.
There was no love.
The filmstip slows the pace of every mistake.
I wish I could wash these memories off my skin.
Humiliation becomes primitive law.
Doubt remains my only true God.
Chaos lives between her legs.
But it feels like a cold hotel.
I just want my day in the sun.
But this hell on earth is the only promise.