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Baby - Stephen Lynch

This is for my little girl

My lady gives birth today

I run to her room right away

She smiles with glee and hands her to me

I look at my newborn and say

Damn that's an ugly baby

Damn that's an ugly ass baby

I'm feeling quite concerned

My semen must have turned

'Cause damn that's an ugly baby

I can't believe this came from me

I think her mom did too much LSD

she's skinny like a twig

at least her nuts are big

but the placenta is cuter than she

Damn that's an ugly baby

God damn that's an ugly ass baby

I can't take her home today

She'll scare the dog away

'cause damn that's an ugly baby

And when she smiles I find

Shane McGowen comes to mind

It makes me want to cry

When I look into her good eye

I always wanted kids

Is it wrong to hope for SIDS?

Then the doctor calls me in

Mr. Lynch she has a twin

Damn that's a good-lookin' baby

One for two on the good lookin' babies

I almost start to weep

Now this one we can keep

cause that was an ugly ass baby

Damn that's an ugly baby (x4)

She's got one good tooth and one ear and one eye

And thank god just one nose but it's on her left thigh

Now doctor I am asking you guy to guy

Would a really really really late term abortion apply

Oh no, I don't want no ugly baby

I said damn that's an ugly ass baby