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Whittlin' Man - Stephen Lynch

In the woods of Northern Michigan he made his home

Didn't ask much from the world, just wanted to be alone

And got his first real blade at thirteen thats when it all began

and soon the creatures of the forest called him whittlin' man

yeah

he whittled all day and he whittled all night

he whittled whittled whittled everything in sight

he whittled on a stick

he whittled on his shoe

and if you come too close he'll widdle you too

keep a safe distance if you can

cause you're never safe around widdlin` man

had a stump to sit on

had some wood, had his trusty knife

whittled out a house, a car

and he whittled himself a wife (such a beautiful wife)

whittled out four kids, a swimming pool and a big leer jet

and so he wouldn't miss saved by the bell, well he whittled a T.V. set

yeah

he whittled if its light, and he whittled if its dark

and if no one was around well he'd whittle him a nark

he'd whittle some dew and he'd whittle some gold

he'd whittle some hot and he'd whittle some rather chilly

keep a safe distance if you can

because you're never safe around whittlin` man

break it down

some say whittlin` mans a genius, still others say he's just dumb

he whittled off a foot an ear, three fingers and his left thumb

boy is he dumb

that won't stop him, no it won't

he'll whittle through thick and thin

once he's whittled everything, he'll just whittle it all again

yeah

he whittled if it was white, and he whittled if its black

and he whittled on a duck til the duck can't quack

he whittled if it was dry and he whittled if its juicy

whittled on Desi and he whittled on Lucy

whittled JFK and he whittled Jackie O

whittled old Larry and Curly and Moe

and he whittled Frank Zappa and he whittled to the core

whittle whittle whittle til he can't no more

whittled Shamu and he whittled on Jaws

whittled The Easter Bunny and he whittled Santa Claus

and whittle whittle whittle just fast he can

whittled into Denny's, whittlin` man