Donald Swann & Michael Flanders Follow

NOTE: The title is "The Wampom", ending in "m", not "n". It appears this way on the CD entitled "The Bestiary of Flanders and Swann".

You can do such a lot with the wompom;
You can use every part of it, too,
For work or for pleasure
It's a triumph, it's a treasure,
Oh, there's nothing that the wompom cannot do.

Now the thread from the coat of the wompom
Has the warmth and the resilience of wool;
You need never wash or brush it,
It's impossible to crush it,
And it shimmers like the finest sort of tulle.

So our clothes are all made from the wompom--
Model gowns, sportswear, lingerie--
They are waterproof and plastic,
Where it's need they're elastic,
And they emphasize the figure as you see.

Hail to thee, blythe wompom,
Hail to thee, o plant,
All-providing wompom,
Universal aunt!

You can shave with the rind of the wompom
And it acts as a soapless shampoo,
And the root in little doses
Keeps you free from halitosis,
Oh, there's nothing that the wompom cannot do,
Nothing that the wompom cannot do,
Nothing that the wompom cannot do.

Now the thick inner shell of the wompom
You can mould with a finger and thumb;
Though it's soft as you began it,
It will set as hard as granite,
And it's quite as light as aluminium.

So we make what we like from the wompom,
And that proves very useful indeed:
From the streets full of houses
To the buttons on your trousers,
With the wompom you have everything you need.

Gaudeamus wompom, gladly we salute
Vademecum wompom, philanthropic fruit!

Oh, the thin outer leaf of the wompom
Makes the finest Havana cigar,
And the bottom simply bristles
With unusual-looking thistles,
But we haven't yet discovered what they are.

You can do such a lot with the wompom,
You can use every part of it, too:
For work or for pleasure,
It's a triumph, it's a treasure,
Oh, there's nothing that the wompom cannot do.

Oh, the flesh in the heart of the wompom
Has the flavour of porter-house steak,
And the juice is a liquor
That will get you higher quicker
And you'll still get up next morning when you wake.

Wompom, wompom, let your voices ring!
Wompom, wompom, ever more we sing!

To record what is what in the wompom
Needs a book twice as big as Who's Who;
I could tell you more and more a-
Bout this fascinating flora:
You can shape it, you can square it,
You can drape it, you can wear it
You can ice it, you can dice it,
You can pare it, you can slice it,
Oh, there's nothing that the wompom cannot do,
Nothing that the wompom cannot do,
Nothing that the wompom cannot do...