Michael Showalter Follow

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• Steve 0 points 2013-09-28 09:12

  Wow... not sure what the hell is wrong with this goofy-ass site, but the captcha test just rejects everything. The real lyrics are:

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  The first commandment of making a sandwich
  Bread is king

  You see because
  Without bread
  We who make sandwich are nothing
  Because bread is to sandwich
  What song is to band
  Bread is to sandwich
  What foot is to shoe
  Bread is to sandwich
  What love is to life
  Bread is king

  OH YEAH HAH AOO

  Commandment number two
  Mustard goes with everything
  Mustard goes with everything
  If you have two pieces of bread
  Mustard
  And anything else
  You have a delicious sandwich

  Examples
  Bread
  Chicken cutlet
  Mustard
  You have a delicious sandwich

  Let's make it a little bit more challenging
  Bread
  Corn on the cob
  Mustard
  You have a delicious sandwich

  Bread
  Box of pencils
  Mustard
  You have a delicious sandwich

  Bread
  One kind of mustard
  Another kind of mustard
  You have a delicious sandwich

  And if anyone tells you
  That the same thing is true of mayonnaise
  You tell that person that they're a liar
  A fink
  And a fucking asshole
  Because mustard goes with everything

  WAOO OOH YEAH OOH YEAH

  Number three
  Nothing's off limits, everything's in play
  When making a sandwich, you have to be willing to improvise
  We don't have the luxury of a well-stocked pantry
  We have to make due with what we have
  Let me ask you a question
  Does grapefruit go with baloney?
  Yes
  Nothing's off limits
  Everything's in play
  Does pesto taste good on top of cereal?
  Yes
  Nothing's off limits
  I'm making a sandwich here
  If you want a five star meal then go to a five star restaurant
  But I'm hungry
  It's two in the morning
  And I'm too lazy to go down to the corner deli
  I have a box of yellow raisins
  Two mismatched pieces of bread
  Half a grapefruit
  A slice of baloney
  A bag of Twizzlers
  A piece of ham
  Four sticks of gum
  A number two pencil
  A jar of mustard
  And I'm making a fucking sandwich

  Nothing's off limits
  Everything is in play

  Number four
  Toast it
  Toast it

  Number five

  Uhhaaah yeah uh come on come on mmmhmmm
  Pickle.
  Sup pickle?
  I said what's up pickle?
  Pickle? Pickle pickle pickle?

  OH YEAH AOO OOH YEAH

  Number six.
  When I said that nothing is off limits and that everything is in play,
  I was not referring to sun dried tomatoes.
  Sun dried tomatoes are the enemy of a sandwich.

  WAOO OOH YEAH OOH YEAH

  It's not a sandwich anymore
  It's a piece of shit
  So if you want to eat shit then be my guest
  But let me tell you something bub
  I'm hungry
  Yeah
  It's four in the morning
  I'm watching Court TV
  And I need something to eat
  And I don't want to eat shit
  I want to eat a sandwich
  You fucking asshole
  Sun dried tomatoes are bullshit

  OH YEAH AOO OOH YEAH

  Why do you test me, huh?
  Why do you test me like this?
  Do you think this is a fucking joke?
  When I tell you that sun dried tomatoes are bullshit
  You think I'm joking?
  You fucking dick
  I'll kill you
  I will kill you

  OH YEAH, WOO

  Commandment number seven
  Missing link
  Let's take a step back
  You've made your sandwich
  You've taken a bite
  But something's missing
  What's missing?
  What is the missing link?
  And be critical
  Ask questions of your sandwich
  Raise the bar
  Settle for nothing less than perfect
  Because it's within your grasp
  You fucking asshole
  Because your sandwich is your life
  Don't throw it away
  Don't sell it short
  Don't fuckin' one slice of cheese suck it fuck it no
  This is your life we're talking about
  You only live once friend
  So find the missing link
  What's holding you back from your sandwich, huh?
  What is blocking you from your sandwich kid? Huh?
  What's keeping you from creating something that will last forever?
  Your sandwich will last an eternity

  Number nine
  Have fun
  Yeah
  Have fun
  Have fun making your sandwich
  Do you hear me?
  Have fun
  AOO OOH YEAH

  Number ten
  The end
  Do not fear the end
  Because the end is life